Friday, February 23, 2007

Candorville Nominated for the Glyph Award (again)

Candorville's been nominated for a Glyph Award. Awards are ridiculous popularity contests signifying nothing. Unless Candorville wins, in which case awards are proof of quality and merit. Here's the list of nominees, as reported by Editor & Publisher and The Comics Reporter:

"Best Comic Strip"
Candorville, Darrin Bell
The K Chronicles, Keith Knight
Templar, Arizona, Spike
(th)Ink, Keith Knight
Watch Your Head, Cory Thomas
Smart money's on an upset by Ziggy.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Tim Hardaway and the Senseless Crowd

Tim Hardaway can't stand gay people. Sensible people can't stand Tim Hardaway. Unfortunately, there are an awful lot of senseless people in this world.

Look for cartoons on this next week here, or in your Candorville-carrying local paper.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

George Washington's Mojo

Having lied, invaded, occupied and vacationed away his honor in the eyes of about 70% of Americans, George W. Bush tried to borrow a little bit from George Washington yesterday.

That reminded me of this cartoon I published back in '06, when the Congressional leadership first tried (and failed) to use the nifty "cut and run" slogan to tar and feather those who opposed the ongoing occupation.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Work for us, and you don't even have to pay for the privilege!

Great news, movie fans! Now you can work as an extra in a new Wil Ferrell/Woody Harrelson/Andre 3000 movie, and you don't even have to pay them for the privilege! And look how fun they make it sound! You get food! Maybe, if you're really really lucky, you'll win a prize and get to catch a glimpse of some dudes you've already seen on TV! Did I mention you don't even have to pay them for the hours of work you'll be doing for them?

There's no shortage of ways to get screwed in this world.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Fox's Obama obsession: If it walks like racism and talks like racism...

I saw something on YouTube the other day (I've posted it below) that I found disturbing. But luckily, I had the foresight to pull out and leaf through my tattered copy of The Modern American's Guide for Interpreting Other People's Behavior: Women/Minority/Gay Edition™. I carry it with me everywhere I go. It comes in handy in department stores, for instance.

Just a few months ago at Target, I found myself wondering why a security guard seemed to be following me at a distance as I perused the cargo shorts aisle. I started to feel nervous. I kept walking, and the nerves turned to incredulity, the kind where the world sort of slows down and you start to feel detached, like your'e watching something absurd instead of living it. I saw his eyes poke around the corner behind the socks to look at me looking at black boxer briefs. I started to feel my ears burn as the detachment faded into anger. That's when the manual saved me. It was right there on page 92, under "The Target Security Guard." It said "He's not suspicious of you because you're Black/Mixed/Whatever-the-hell-you-are, he's suspicious of you because you're a teen-ager." That would've made sense years ago, when I first bought the manual, but what the hell, I'm not old yet. It could still apply.

Now that was a relief. Life is easier with the manual. People seem much less ridiculous. Sunsets are rosier. The air even smells fresher, somehow.

So when I saw a link that had the words "Fox" and "Obama" in the same sentence, I immediately reached again for that manual. I sure am glad I did. Watch this clip, and then I'll tell you how The Modern American's Guide for Interpreting Other People's Behavior: Women/Minority/Gay Edition™ helped me put it all in perspective:

Now, according to The Modern American's Guide for Interpreting Other People's Behavior: Women/Minority/Gay Edition™, there was absolutely nothing racist about any of this. Here's what it said, right there on page 18,978:

Clip from Fox News' allegedly satirical take-off on The Daily Show: "The 1/2 Hour News Hour"
1. Time index 01:01- Masses of dancing Africans are shown while Fox mentions Barack Obama supporters.
This is not - we repeat, NOT - Fox News intentionally trying to scare White viewers with the thought of hordes of unruly dark people taking over the streets. They probably just couldn't find any other footage on such short notice.

2. Time index 01:14- "BO Magazine"
This is not Fox using racial code words & concepts in an ongoing campaign to help as many of their viewers as possible get back in touch with their inner bigots. This is not - we repeat, NOT - Fox News dredging up the age-old stereotype about Black people smelling bad. That stereotype hasn't been widely used for at least several decades. Several years. Well, at least several months. So it's unreasonable to think anyone at Fox has heard of that stereotype, much less that anyone there would intentionally employ it.

2. Time index 01:37- "Organize Your House - and your Senate"
Fox News is not trying to conjur up the image of a Black housekeeper. In fact, this is more evocative of magazines aimed at housewives. So maybe they're complimenting Barack Obama's wife. Have you ever stopped to think of that?

2. Time index 01:46- "Barack vs. Tiger Woods: Who's More Diverse? "
This is not an example of Fox News mocking the very existence of mixed-race Americans in order to reinforce deep-seeded White resentment. They're actually praising diversity - showing how grateful they are that we live in a country where anyone can marry and raise kids with whomever they want ('long as they're not queer).

2. Time index 02:03- "Don't tell Mama, I'm for Obama"
Nothing to see here.

Thanks for making life more bearable, The Modern American's Guide for Interpreting Other People's Behavior: Women/Minority/Gay Edition™!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Fox News: Oh no, Obama (gasp) SMOKES!

A few questions to keep in mind while watching the latest salvo in the Faux News bombardment of Senator Obama:

1. So we haven't seen Obama smoke. Since when have we seen any politician smoke? Do they expect the Senator to fire up a Marlboro while he's on camera with Wolf Blitzer?

2. Why does the commentator who's apparently on this show because they want a Black man to comment on Obama make the argument that America only cares about the Senator because he's Black? Is this guy Fox's resident Irony Expert?

3. Where does the Media get off calling him "Barack?" Where do we all get off calling Senator Clinton "Hillary?" Do we routinely refer to White male Senators as "Trent," or "Edward," or do we give them the respect of using their title or at least their last names?

4. Since when does not smoking in public make someone duplicitous?

5. "Mammy?"

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Fox News: Barack Obama, Sex Offender?

Faux News affiliates sure are subtle, aren't they?

Don't think subliminal crap like this works? Take a look at how well it works even on people who make their living at it (watch it through to the end for the payoff):

Thursday, February 08, 2007

What's this guy done, really?

So Rudy's in.

In the days after 9-11, America needed a hero and it picked Rudy. Talk of "President Giuliani" began just a few days after 9-11, and I'm still waiting for someone to explain to me just what Rudy Giuliani has done to indicate he deserves to sit in the Oval Office. He was an unpopular, scandal-ridden mayor known mostly for his police department's torture and murder of unarmed Black men. But then the terrorists brought down the towers. He didn't soil himself and hide under his desk on 9-11 (or even fly around aimlessly like our current President). He kept his cool and did his job. That's expected, not extraordinary.

**UPDATE: Doug comments,

Darrin, I don't know where you are getting your information about the NY police "torture and murder of unarmed Black men." Truthfully, it sounds like something that was reported in the National Enquirer, rather than a legitimate source!
For some reason, I'm not able to respond in the "comments" section right now, so I'm updating the main post with my reply:

Here you go. This (and his arrogant response to it) is what Giuliani was known for until 9/11:

The Diallo and Louima cases

Giuliani took credit for falling crime rates, but crime rates fell in all big cities at the time, due in no small part to Bill Clinton's COPS initiative, which put 100,000 new cops on big city streets across the country. Other Giuliani achievements:

• He tried to have Yasser Araft booted out of NYC (despite Arafat having been invited by the UN), nearly causing an international incident.
• He decided, over objections, to place the anti-terror command center in the World Trade Center, which was as smart a decision as placing an earthquake response center on the San Andreas Fault. Perhaps the constant video we saw of Giuliani bravely roaming the streets of Lower Manhattan were due to his having no command center to go to.
• He caused a big stink about a museum that hung an African artist's painting of the Virgin Mary that was made with elephant dung (insisting on mischaracterizing it as a deliberate insult, despite elephant dung being sacred in that artist's culture -- I don't know about you, but politicians who mischaracterize to score political points lose points with me).
• He tried to use 9/11 to advance his own political career when he proposed cancelling the mayoral elections so he could stay on indefinitely.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Best way to ruin your astronaut career

Police said Nowak drove 900 miles, donned a disguise and was armed with a BB gun and pepper spray when she confronted a woman she believed was a competitor for the affections of Navy Cmdr. William Oefelein, an unmarried fellow astronaut.

Oefelein, 41, piloted the space shuttle Discovery in December. He and Nowak trained together but never flew a mission together.

Nowak told police that her relationship with Oefelein was "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to an arrest affidavit. Inside Nowak's vehicle, which was parked at a nearby motel, authorities found a pepper spray package, an unused BB-gun cartridge, latex gloves and e-mails between Oefelein and Colleen Shipman.

They also found a letter "that indicated how much Mrs. Nowak loved Mr. Oefelein" and Shipman's home address, the arrest affidavit said.

Police said Nowak told them that she only wanted to scare Shipman into talking to her about her relationship and didn't want to harm her.

"If you were just going to talk to someone, I don't know that you would need a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray," Jones said.

And that's not all.

Nowak raced from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers in the car so she wouldn't have to stop to go to the bathroom, authorities said.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

SF Mayor Proves He's Not Gay

Ever since Mayor Newsom bravely fought for civil rights when he allowed gay couples to marry in 2004, the country's knuckledragger population has been speculating he's gay. These are probably the same dimwits who assumed that if you doubted Hussein had WMD, it meant you were secretly the founder of the "I Want Saddam's Love-Child" club. Anyhow, Newsom seems to have chosen an odd way of dispelling the rumors. Next time, he might want to try using someone who's not married to a good friend.